I can haz sip? http://ping.fm/UXKji

Emmy eats a tortilla chip

Emmy has a tortilla chip. Or she is a Spanish dancing bird

Grae shows Baywatch her bikini

“Yes Coast Guard, it IS a new bikini! AND a swim skirt!”

The New Toy

A vintage Pachislo machine (like a slot machine but some element of skill involved, courtesy of Kirk & Selena

Joel Tenenbaum Fights Back.

He's apparently mad as hell. And he's not going to take it anymore.

JoelFightsBack.com tells the tale of Mr. Joel Tenenbaum who is taking on the recording industry. With everything he’s got and then some. Check him out. Just goes to show that if the recording industry pokes at enough people, eventually, it’s going to get poked back. I’ve long said that what major companies fail to understand is that if someone wants something badly enough, they’re going to get it. You can put all the DRM and anti-piracy encoding into the product as you want.  Sooner or later, someone who doesn’t have a lot of money but has a lot of time will figure out how to outsmart your system. It’s the glory of capitalism. And, perhaps more importantly the circumnavigation of  it. As Joel’s brother, Mark, writes on Joel’s blog,

“Gene Simmons of KISS was on a show mentioning how rock and roll has gone down the tubes because of the internet and the music sharing that goes on. Well blame the music industry. Blame the recording companies who charge $30 for a cd and give the artists $2 of it. Joel, you have my support, and the legal team, you definitely have mine as well.”

You have mine as well, Joel.

SEVEN YEAR OLD DENIED Use of Local Library

Dominick Philip denied the right to use the Nazareth Library.

As featured on The Colbert Report: Library DENIES SEVEN YEAR OLD the right to use their library. Are you freaking KIDDING me??? As this article reports, the library has since reinstated Dominick’s ability to use the library through the end of the year. But after Dec. 31, 2009, they will spank him and take away his birthday. Honestly… I suppose I understand the need to relegate people to their own district’s library, but in this case, enforcement of the policy seems pretty disproportionately harsh.

103rd Floor Glass-Bottom Balcony

I don’t think I could do it. I might pee. You know logically that you will be OK. But I think there is a reason that every fiber of a human being would reject this being a “logical” thing to do. Not that the hesitancy shouldn’t be overcome; I just that I think it’s fascinating how, what I can only assume is a majority of people, would wince at trusting this kind of architecture.

If I could parallel park like this…

RC Car aficionado Masami Hirosaka does more with this little car in one minute than I’ll hope to do with a real one in my entire lifetime. Notice he doesn’t use the wall as leverage, either (from Gizmodo).

Sorry I’m Late

Brilliant.

Don’t Pay Attention to These Twelve Rules of “Flirtexting”. Ever.

I HATE Glamour. And Cosmo. And every other lame-ass “women’s” magazine. However, in Yahoo’s understandable quest to direct people to their content, they will run a drivel-filled “headline” piece regularly. Found one I couldn’t pass up tonight:

DATING TIPS

Dating 101: The Do’s and Don’ts of Text-Message Flirting By Glamour. Texting is the new calling, which means there’s a whole new battleground for romance — and a new set of rules to play by. Start your flirty texting education here, with advice from Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, authors of “Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVES me some texting. I definitely use my phone to text quite a lot. However…in true vapid Glamour form (Glapid? Vapour? No no, that last one doesn’t work…), they’ve managed to take something as technologically fabulous as texting and turn it into an exercise of horribly sexist banality. Please allow me to walk us through this…

#1: DO say the words text me when you give out your number to a new guy. Giving a new guy your number and telling him to call can be iffy. Start with a text.

Wow, really? See there are these things, they’re called phones…they allow you to SPEAK to one another. And there is this really cool thing that happens  when someone has the number that is assigned to that phone: they can CALL IT. I think it’s relatively fair to assume that if you’re giving someone your number, they just might call you. And if that’s “iffy”, then you’re fucking retarded. You know what’s a lot more dangerous than telling someone to call you after you just gave them your number? Taking one iota of advice published in Glamour magazine. Fuck you, Glamour, for actively dumbing-down your readership.

#2: DON’T just text “Hi.” Even if the only reason you’re texting him is because you’re thinking about him, this kind of short and shy flirtexting typically leads nowhere.

Unless you don’t have anything else to say but “Hi.” Texting someone “Hi” leads to them knowing you’re saying, “Hi,” and then maybe them texting back. Kind of like a dominoes thing. *shrug* Imagine a 2 character text…go on, imagine it. Why doesn’t Glamour tell you exactly what you should say? “I want to be filled with your love and have your children.” Clearly, this is the kind of sentence that leads to the nightmare that Glamour is all about. Fuck you, Glamour, for being in bed with cell phone companies who charge per text.

#3: DO text him back within 24 hours. Anything beyond that reads “I’m just not that into you — or your texts.”

Or you dropped your phone in the toilet. Or you like playing games (like this one), and you just happen to play by a different set of rules than other women play by (which is pretty much each individual woman’s individual set of her OWN rules). Fuck you, Glamour, for inventing pointless rules that have no bearing on anything. Ever. Except a good blog.

#4: DON’T purposely send him a “mis-text.” Women tend to use this move as a way to make single men jealous. But he’ll see right through your needy outreach and move his texts on to the next.

See above game-playing Cunt’s Guidebook to Game-Playing. I think you should fully be “allowed” to send a “mis-text”. Or I would. If I knew what constituted a “mis-text”. If we’re saying don’t send something you don’t mean, then reading this little gem in a magazine isn’t going to change your manipulative passive-aggressive behavioral pattern. So rules 1-3 and 5-12, be conniving and manipulative. But for #4, you get a pass. Fuck you, Glamour, for making this shit up.

#5: DO ask him out over text. If you like him, gauge his interest by sending a light-date invite without hesitation. Try: “Don’t know about you, but I predict I’ll be starving after work Thursday. Dinner?”

What if I’m looking for a “heavy-date” invite? Have enough self-confidence to ask someone out if you like them, and be willing to accept that they may not like you. Yeah, self-confidence…novel, that. Fuck you, Glamour, for assuming I’ll be starving after work on Thursday.